secretpublic

I feel low, low, low ...

Tue, 26 Apr 2005 22:52:34 GMT

Thus quoth Sting. The man's a genius.

"what you have invented, Percy, if indeed it has a name, is some ... green"

Mon, 14 Feb 2005 16:22:54 GMT

I have decided to change my fortune by inventing a new drink, henceforth to be known as wine-free alcohol. It's basically alcohol without wine it in and it is pitched at the binge-drinker market. If I put it in a fancy bottle and hyperinflate the price, it should sell well.

To accompany this, I'm devising a range of bread free Doner kebabs. Somebody sent me out into the cold London night to find such a thing once. I returned emptyhanded, thereby providing a proof of concept.

Will the invisible monkey please stop squeezing my eyes.

I fell over

Sun, 13 Feb 2005 20:00:03 GMT

Yeah, I fell over today, in the field. I was walking the dog and wearing old shoes so it was my own fault. I never fall over when I'm drunk. Maybe I'm the Antidrunk, I behave as drunk people do ... when I'm sober. The evidence is overwhelming, now I think of it. When sober I fall in love with people and talk shite.

Greta told me about alcohol-free wine today. The world has gone mad.

If some freelance work doesn't flood in soon, I'm going to have to eat my own body for sustenance.

quote of the day

Sat, 05 Feb 2005 20:59:49 GMT

Carlosinha (5): "my finger's not healthy".

Something's Gone Wrong Again ...

Wed, 02 Feb 2005 14:24:57 GMT

And I can't for the life of me think what it is.

On the plus side, I nearly added some words to my story about Emily Turtleton and the Plausible Shark. Maybe tonight.

My computer won't close itself down properly either. Something's going on.

I have a pointy head

Wed, 12 Jan 2005 13:47:20 GMT

It's true, my head tapers to a point. This only becomes evident when I have had a really short haircut and the hair has grown out a bit.

When they remake Earth Girls Are Easy, I'm a dead cert for one of the aliens.

How much more grey could today be? None. None more grey.

gimme cheese or gimme death

Tue, 11 Jan 2005 01:00:48 GMT

Forget your drugs of choice. What the world needs now is cheese, more cheese. It's cheaper than dope, you can buy it in supermarkets and it can give you the strangest dreams. Maybe that's an old wives ' tale but what the heck. Works for me.

Make every message on your mobile phone ...

Sun, 09 Jan 2005 20:25:15 GMT

... a hyakurokuju.

Zinc

Fri, 07 Jan 2005 15:07:44 GMT

I was just going to eat some zinc. Does beer have zinc in it?

Medical note: one's arse is not designed to deliver fluids.

This is for young people

Fri, 07 Jan 2005 00:44:37 GMT

I was ill today, stayed at home from work. Slept four hours, now I'm not sleepy.

Thu, 06 Jan 2005 00:06:24 GMT

What a pile of poo. I can't get the hang of this at all. Who wants to read about my crappy life anyhow?

Mon, 03 Jan 2005 12:39:39 GMT

Ooh. Here I am then.